Some thoughts. Yellow fever. Asian fetish.

Thanks tomy busy lifestyle, I've had a hard time meeting men. I'm pretty self-aware for a girl who is in her early twenties, and I know exactly what I want out of a relationship.

Unfortunately, the men that I usually meet are not looking for that. It also doesn't help that I don't actually walk out of the house intending on meeting my soulmate on line at the Starbucks when getting our morning lattes. Also, I'm friendly and ultimately oblivious to any kind of sign that a man is interested in me as anything more than a "friend."

I do not think any of these things are WRONG, it's simply just some observations that I have made when it comes to myself and the opposite sex.

Which is why I've started on OkCupid. Something about the convenience of clicking through a few buttons to swath a path into some partners that might be compatible along with the anonymity of a computer screen and the option to "not reply" is rather nice. Such is our convenient fast-food lifestyle.

Not that there is anything wrong with any of those things. But personally, I've been on OkCupid. And after a few exchanges, I've come to one date that has actually... manifested.

Which is cool. I dabble in OkCupid. I don't log onto it every day and spend hours (or even minutes) tweaking my profile. And then hours seeking out potential matches. I log on for about 10-15 minutes a week (or so). I'll usually only spend longer on it if I get some messages and the other side requires more investigation.

But I've come to the disheartening realization that I am a victim of Yellow Fever, or in some circles, known as Asian Fetish.

I think what bothers me most about it is that I don't know WHY it bothers me so much. It really really shouldn't. Primarily because everyone has physical preferences, right? And isn't Yellow Fever just a manifestation of that physical preference? The guy likes Asian features. What's so wrong with that.

So I talked about it with my girlfriends. And most of us of Asian or minority descent are pretty much put off by any of these "fevers" (jungle fever, brown fever, yellow fever, etc). One girlfriend put it aptly as "You know it crosses into the fever or fetish zone when he still puts up with all this crap just because you are xx-minority."

And I think that's it. I look at guys' dating tracks, and all of them seem to just be inordinately occupied with women who are of such-and-such minority. They just seem to go for these girls. No real rhyme or reason. I think what irritates me the most is that they go EXCLUSIVELY for these girls.

I have one good friend. He is of a non-Asian minority. Which is cool. I began to suspect that he had Yellow Fever a long time ago when he would eagerly show me the latest Korean drama that he was watching and would want to talk to me about them. Instantly, all kinds of red flags popped up. "Uh... how do you even know about this? And why are you interested? Even I'M not that interested." And then that slowly devolved into him dumping his ex-girlfriend for an Asian girl. Who, arguably, was not cuter than his ex and was also considerably older PLUS with an ex-husband and a small toddler.

And it got worse. When that Asian girlfriend dumped him, he found another Asian girlfriend online almost overnight. In fact, it's definitely an online dating relationship. She's still in Asia.

And I don't know why it bothers me so much. He says he prefers Asian girls because they tend to have gentler personalities and demeanors. Isn't that some kind of stereotyping somewhere? I think what bothers me is that he goes out looking for Asian women, possibly disregarding the great great non-Asian girl that's right in his face.

Maybe that's what bothers me the most. Because stereotypes can be overcome. And physical preferences are what they are. But it gets to a point where a guy has to be into you for YOU and not some kind of physical fetish with your appearance and some misconception of your personality because of what society has fed to him.

So to all those guys who have Asian fever and are really into Asian women: make sure you're into her for HER. Take away the Asian-part of her looks and be like "Hm... would I still like her if she was something-else?"

Thankfully, most people don't stick it out when their personalities are incompatible. But as an Asian woman who is out there trying to find decent men, I really wish guys would have some kind of sticker on them that said, "I only asked you out because you were Asian."

2010 Recap

So much happened in 2010 that I can't even remember. I can't even remember anything through January-May. So let's just go with what I CAN remember.

. heh. Berman lectures. I don't remember much about that class, but sitting there glazed over.
. ooh. Epic moment in Reza's class. "Why was he peeping at the naked ladies?" "Because he wanted to get off-- wait a minute...." [Get off in the legal-liability sense]
. Rediscovering potential new friends. Thanks to Eugene & Jasmine's epic karaoke brawl. Hi, Mark W.
. ooh. First shot at Restaurant Week
. First *real* crush that was an almost-relationship that fizzled.
. Still have a long way to go.
. +body confidence/self esteem/self image.
. -money =(
. got a job! TWO OF THEM! Blessed beyond belief by God. So wholly and totally and completely blessed that I don't even know how it happened. It's one of those overwhelming moments where not only can you just shudder in awe at how incredible God is, but that you swoon because you realize that He did it all for you and that it's all going to be okay. I mean, awesome internship where I had a great experience, learned a million things, and have a boss that ADORES me...? And THEN getting a *paid* job doing virtually *nothing* at the school library?
. BLESSED
. ooh. Yelping. Andrew and Carly.
. Fooding. Volunteering at PbP and Food Network's Food & Wine Festival. Something that I will *never* forget and am SO SO SO glad I did.
. older friends and good mentors. connections and networking.
. Wei and Xiao O. love em. ooh. Austin too.
. friend is bizexual? what the...?/
. going out every week for basically the first 6-8 weeks of the semester because of AALSA stuff.
. drinking more than I ever have in my life. I really hope I'm not becoming an alcoholic.
. Sandy. Aw.
. Legally buying music. Lots of it.
. Hi, Ryan Farish
. Kostant bonding sessions. Hi, Legislation & Regulation
. ooh. Ed's support and everlasting encouragement. I need to make another meeting with him.
. discovering that pencil skirts work for me. whoddathunk?
. heels.
. shoes. many many shoes. discovering how important shoes are to a wardrobe and a profession.
. dressing up and then dressing down.
. aw. Julia's pregnancy. The meals we shared in Ktown.
. Ktown at night is different than Ktown during the day. What the...?
. Thomas Tang *shudder*
. lotioning everyday is pretty good for my skin and sanity.
. Dave's great birthday party! And cinnamon schnapps at his place!
. bonding with old friends and making fantastic fantastic fantastic new ones!
. flirting.
. sexting.
. Glee!
. Trinity.
. Aw. Dor.
.......

And end. Well, 2010. You were definitely another one of those milestone years. Primarily because it just reinforced God wanting me in NYC at NYLS. And wanting me to be a lawyer. 2011 will only be better. Because God's blessings are neverending and abundant.!

Dress Code Resolutions 2011

Resolutions I can make. And keep.

1) FIND THAT TAILOR. The minute you get back to NYC, GO SEEK THEM OUT. Schedule appointments! I've had three in my address book that I've been meaning to look up for the LONGEST time.

2) Go shopping with your mom, but quit expecting her to have some magical revelation that she no longer sees you as that dumpy and overweight pubescent teen from high school.*

3) Wear a dress or skirt at least once a week. Weekends and nights out don't count. Wear it to class. Screw those who say otherwise.**

4) Finally put those funky laces on your sneakers. And then wear them out. Omg.

5) For every NEW ITEM OF CLOTHING you buy, resolve to throw something out. ***

* I am firmly a size L or lower now (mostly because I'm still quite tall so Ms usually are too short for my torso) and yet my mother persists in insisting that I'm an XL+ .... grrr. Although, now I'm starting to realize that part of it might be somewhat nostalgic now that I've moved away to NYC and have a life that she knows nothing about, it's something that she still clings to that she "knows about me." The fact that I'm at Old Navy looking at shirt dresses and she's shaking her head and clucking her tongue ("Nancy, that's a *soft* cotton dress. You can't wear that. It'll make you look huge. You need someone that has an A-line"... hardly, Mother. I have that same exact dress, and I look fantastic in it. I love you, but stop trying to pretend that you actually have a sense of fashion or style. You, um. Don't. Love you, but your fashion sense is the kind of stuff that you picked up from magazines instead of personal experience or eye or taste. I'm not saying she has *bad* taste, but I just have a body type that requires *thinking* and can't be so easily slotted into those "body types.").

** Funnily, I was the best dressed during finals when I didn't see the "regular crowd" of people every single day and I didn't really care what other people think when I was at school cramming. I was wearing jeggings with boots, dresses with leggings... heh. Even funnier is that at law school, there are about 500 million reasons for a person to be dressed up on any given day (interviews, workshops, seminars, internships, court appearances, meetings, etc) that it is NOT unusual for a person to walk into class looking fancy. No one really bats an eye. We ask, but usually it's a very plausible explanation.

*** This should help with my shopping addiction, no doubt. And my ever-expanding closet. I really really need to reorganize.

It makes me sad when I visit makeup shops to see the associates with gorgeous makeup but clearly visible spots underneath the concealer, foundation, bronzer, and powder.

It's a sad vicious cycle. You get spots, put makeup on to cover them, makeup gives you more spots... and on and on and on. Let your skin breathe, pretty ladies! In 6-12months time, you'll be able to just get away with undereye concealer and eyemakeup and have pretty pretty skin.

That's the reason why I'm most thankful for... well, oddly enough, NYC. Left me with no time to do makeup (daily face), so instead, I walked around barefaced almost all the time. Now? I have pretty much clear skin except for the occasional spots and dark circles/undereye weirdness. Still... it's a lot better than what I would "have" to be dealing with...

I hate oatmeal

Okay, I really don't actually. But I find it difficult to be too creative with it without milk (and I am perpetually without milk). But a little goes a long way with me (haha) because I don't like it so I can eat a little bit and make it through the day.

meh.